the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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