She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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