Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i love accidental penises.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
