Having a random hookup so left but love u
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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