I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
