Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I didn't notice because vodka
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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