Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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