worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
