Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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