Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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