I love black thongs
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
