I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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