the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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