just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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