I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
