I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
