Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
