i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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