he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I FOUND THE LEGS
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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