there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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