I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
