So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
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you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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