I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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