the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
this just has baby written all over it
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
