I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
