I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
