Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
this boner is exhausting
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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