for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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