Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
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