party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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