Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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