Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
