Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
