i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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