I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
