she looked like the bat from fern gully.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
