All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
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