I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
