Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
