I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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