Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
