I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
