note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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