I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
