i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
