i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Randomize
