They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
