don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
