just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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