How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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