i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
