You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
