this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My ATM looks so different sober.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
