I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
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i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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