please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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