i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
