shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
