i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
