Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
