You're my little dorito
I didn't shave. On purpose
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
