Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
