college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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