The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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