I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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