Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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