ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
