mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
