Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize