Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
