"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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