I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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