you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
