Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
