i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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