you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
